Heads Up! Grab readers with a headline that's out of the ordinary . . . but not <i>too</i> far out.

One of the most heinous crimes you can commit against your small business--even worse than answering the phone with a chirpy, "You're number one at Murray's Mattress MegaMart, home of the SlumberKing. How may I direct your call?"--is to create boring, routine, pedestrian advertising. This is true whether you're a retailer, a wholesaler, a consultant or a columnist.

"Pedestrian," of course, has another meaning besides "easy target in a crosswalk." And I probably don't need to tell you you'll find just such advertising every single day in newspapers and magazines, on the radio and television. I'm talking about the narcolepsy-inducing, cookie-cutter ads that big companies spend millions to produce, but that barely get noticed or, worse, annoy the hell out of you. I don't know if it's a result of naivet,, conservativeness, incompetence, tunnel vision or burnout, but it's amazing how much advertising created today is instantly forgettable.

However, deep-pocketed corporations with fat marketing budgets can spend $40,000 on a full-page ad in a national magazine without batting an eye or breaking a sweat . . . especially if it's a so-called "image" ad whose impact on sales can't be directly measured. Small-business owners, on the other hand, take a deep breath and look heavenward when they write a check for a precious $1,200 for a onetime insertion that has to pull in orders for cash flow.