The 4 Types of Relationships That Can Make or Break Your Career This map will help you figure out how to enhance the positive business relationship results you are seeking.

By Dr. Henry Cloud Edited by Dan Bova

Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

Shutterstock

You hear it all the time as a business leader or entrepreneur, "your success will depend upon the people you surround yourself with." That's true... you must find the best talent and get them on your team and in your company. No doubt about it. But, there is one fatal flaw that leaders make in the "people" department over and over again. In both startup situations, and among seasoned leaders, I see them focusing on finding the right people to do the work, but not giving attention to the ingredients of those relationships that actually fuel performance, and increase their own performance as well.

Ask any high performer about their best season in business or in life... or their worst season, and you will always find one thing to be true: there was another person or persons playing a pivotal part during that time. The neglected truth of performance is that to succeed and perform well, you must have the right kinds of relationships active along the way, and at the same time, you must avoid others.

Related: 4 Tips on Building Stronger Business Relationships

We all know this intuitively, that some people affect us well and others can "do us in." But now neuroscience is able to explain the "how and why" this happens, and how to be better stewards of our relational world so that we are being fueled in the right ways, and escape the downfalls of the wrong kinds of relationships in both business and in life. Turns out that there are relationships that actually increase performance in our brains, and those that diminish us. Knowing how this works can mean the difference between success and failure.

Leaders that I work with find this simple map helpful to determine whom to get close to and whom to avoid. They also find it useful in their teams as well. I call it the "map of the leader's world," and there are only four possibilities, four possible corners of your world, where you can find yourself in any relationship:

Corner one: No connection.

This corner is the one of being surrounded by people, but still basically being "on your own." There is the absence of needs being met, an absence of real enhancement of fueling or connectedness that drives you to doing well and being better. Ultimately, you feel like you are by yourself, and it all depends on you, even with others around you or even on your team. "Alone...but with others." It is the corner of unmet needs.

Corner two: Bad connection.

In this corner, we have connection with someone(s) but the nature of the connection is that we end up feeling "bad," in some way. "Inferior"..."not good enough," always not measuring up. This is very different than being appropriately challenged or getting feedback, for those are invigorating. This dynamic, however, is demotivating and painful. De-energizing, as it feels like not matter what you do, it is never good enough and never reaches the bar. While in the short-term, this dynamic can fuel your efforts, over time it becomes debilitating to performance.

Relationship: 12 Tips for Creating Meaningful Business Relationships Online

Corner three: Pseudo-good connection

Different than the aloneness of Corner One and the bad feelings of Corner Two, Corner Three feels "good." At least for a while. This is the connection that makes us feel good in some way....it medicates us. The approval of someone, the flattery that makes us feel we can do no wrong, the accolades of one more promotion or adulation all feel good, but are shallow and ultimately not performance-enhancing. A team or life surrounded by "yes" people and admirers is neither fueling nor challenging us towards improvement. It is like a "sugar-high," that feels good for a minute...until you need it again. It nourishes nothing.

Corner four: Real connection.

The only one that helps us or our business get better, Corner Four has attributes that are different than the other three. It is the place where we can be real about our needs for others, which overcomes the isolated efforts of Corner One. It is the place where we can be challenged to do better, like Corner Two, but in a way that is motivating and not diminishing. It is a place where feeling good happens as in Corner Three, but is based on real accomplishment, thriving and being connected from both our strengths and our weaknesses. It acknowledges failure and mistakes, unlike Corner Three, but is able to both metabolize those and use them for learning and "getting better." And it has other ingredients as well, such as support, ownership, modeling, enhancing self-control and regulation, energizing challenge with feedback, and more. It is "real," where we can be honest and authentic and be accepted and challenged.

Related: 8 Reasons Why Entrepreneurs Need More Business Relationships and Fewer Friends

I find that high performers always find a Corner Four place to live....both in work and in their personal lives. They also build their teams, boards and companies around Corner Four elements. Use this little map for you and your team, and I think it will help you figure out how to eliminate some pain, and enhance more of the results you are seeking.

Dr. Henry Cloud

Psychologist, leadership consultant, author.

Dr. Henry Cloud is a psychologist, leadership consultant, and New York Times best-sellingauthor. His latest book is The Power Of The Other: The Startling Effect That Others Have On You From The Boardroom To The Bedroom, and Beyond, published by HarperBusiness, an imprint of HarperCollins.

Want to be an Entrepreneur Leadership Network contributor? Apply now to join.

Business Ideas

70 Small Business Ideas to Start in 2025

We put together a list of the best, most profitable small business ideas for entrepreneurs to pursue in 2025.

Business News

'I Love Doing Product Reviews': Bill Gates Stepped Down from Microsoft in 2020, But Admits He Still Spends 15% of His Time Working at the Company

In a new interview with the Wall Street Journal, Gates also said he is still close with Microsoft's CEO Satya Nadella.

Business News

Uber's CEO Says Drivers Have About 10 Years Left Before They Will Be Replaced

Uber CEO Dara Khosrowshahi says the jobs of human drivers are safe for the next decade, but after that, another type of driver will take over.

Business News

'Everyone Can Profit From It': What Is DeepSeek? China's 'Cheap' to Make AI Chatbot Climbs to the Top of Apple, Google U.S. App Stores

DeepSeek researchers claim it was developed for less than $6 million, a contrast to the $100 million it takes U.S. tech startups to create AI.

Branding

How to Build a Strong Brand Identity for Your Early-Stage Startup

Branding might not be your first priority, but neglecting it can hurt your startup. A strong brand identity early on sets the stage for marketing success.

Science & Technology

From Data to Destiny — How AI Can Turbocharge Your Business Future

Are you ready to embrace the power of AI with trusted data? Let's transform challenges into opportunities and propel your business into the future.