Billy Selekane on Becoming the Architect of Your Own Success You're either a change-maker, or someone who is influenced by the shifting conditions around you. The truly successful know how to determine their own destinies. Here's how they do it.

Vital stats

• Player: Billy Selekane
• Company: Billy Selekane and Associates
• About: Billy Selekane is an author, internationally acclaimed inspirational keynote speaker, and a personal, team and organisational effectiveness specialist.
• Visit: billyselekanespeaks.com

We live in a world of disruption. We live in a world where Airbnb's valuation is $31 billion, but the Hilton's market cap is $30 billion. Airbnb doesn't own one square kilometre, and yet they're worth more than the world's biggest hotel chains with enormous assets. We live in a world where things have been turned upside down.

In this brave new world, you can either thrive, or fight to survive. As a leader in your organisation, the choices you make, the mental mind-space you occupy and how you engage with those around you, will determine your personal success, as well as that of your entire organisation.

"The business of business is people. You can't just pay lip service to the idea that they are your most important asset. You need to live it. Leaders must be intelligent and honest. You can't just push people to meet the numbers," says Billy Selekane, personal and business mastery expert and international speaker.

The problem is that great leaders need to first find balance within, before they can successfully lead their organisations.

"Things can no longer be done the same way," says Billy. "Success today is defined by people who are driven, are inspired by their own lives and goals, and have the power and capability to inspire others." But before you can achieve any of this, you need to rid yourself of the monkey on your back.

The monkey on your back

"If I continue doing what I'm doing, and thinking what I'm thinking, I'll continue to have what I have," says Billy. "That's the definition of insanity. Are you doing things by default or design?"

Billy's analogy is a simple one. It's something we can all relate to, and it's the single biggest thing stopping us from clearing our minds, focusing on the positive and achieving success. He calls it the monkey on our backs.

"Every one of us is born with an invisible monkey on their shoulder," says Billy. "Your monkey is always with you. Sometimes they're the one speaking, and you need to be careful of that." What you need to be even more aware of than your own monkey though, is everyone else's monkeys.

"Every interaction we have is an opportunity for what I call a monkey download. You have an argument with your spouse before work, and you end up getting into your car with not only your monkey, but theirs as well. Your irritation level has doubled thanks to the extra monkey. Now you get irritated with a pointsman, another driver or a taxi on your way to work. You've just added three monkeys.

"By the time you walk into the office, you're bringing an entire village of monkeys with you. They're clamouring, clattering, arguing with each other, and the noise is deafening. Not only does everyone get out of your way, but you can't hear yourself think. And the more your mood drops, the more monkeys you download from the people around you. This is not the path to focus, achieving your goals or being happy. It's certainly not the path to great leadership.

"Great leaders know how to keep all those monkeys out. They know how to control their moods, and regulate their own positivity. They understand that they are the architects of their own success."

Getting out of the monkey business

To be a great leader — and personally successful and happy — you need to start by getting out of your own way, and as Billy calls it, "getting out of the monkey business.' You need to not only shake your own monkey, but everyone else's as well.

According to Billy, there are four simple areas you can begin focusing on today that will help you become the person (and leader) you want to be.

First, honesty is the foundation of everything else you should be doing. "Be clear and straight. Speak to people simply and honestly, but with respect. Connect with them, not through the head, but with the heart. Don't play tricks."

Next, be authentic. All great leaders are authentic, and recognised as such. Aligned with this is integrity. "This is sadly out of stock, not only in South Africa, but the world," says Billy.

"There is nothing as disturbing as a leader without integrity, and on a personal level, you won't achieve emotional stability if you aren't a person of integrity."

Finally, you need to embrace love. "Wish your employees well. Wish your family, friends and connections well. When we are given love, and trusted to perform, we take that and pay it forward. In the case of business, this means your employees are giving the same love to customers, but if everyone showed a little more love, the world would be a better place. When people feel cared for, they show up with their hearts and wallets, and they pay it forward.

"Great leaders understand this. They don't only focus on making themselves better, but adding to everyone around them. Remember this: In every business, there are no bad employees, just bad leaders. Employees are a reflection of that."

If you want to build a better future, business or life, you need to start with yourself.

Do this

Stop letting negative thoughts and minor irritations derail you. You are the master of your moods and thoughts, so take personal responsibility for them.